Hindsight is 20/20

As a parent, I'm in a position to recall my childhood as watch my own child grow up.  I look back to many of the things I'd done and moreso what I got away with as it's those things that serve as the lessons learned tool in raising my child.

I've shared many of the crazy things I did as a teenager with Lil Lady in an effort to illustrate just how foolish what I did was and why she shouldn't repeat the things I did.  Don't get me wrong, save for one incident, Lil Lady hasn't done half the things I did.  She's had her share of teenage activities, but still they pale in comparison as I turned the tight reign my mother had over me into a learning tool on how to raise my daughter. 

Case in point; I used to sneak out of the house in order to hang out with my friends.  Why?  Because my mother; the warden in her infinite parenting wisdom thought I didn't need a social life and if I had one, I'd become deviant in some way.  Well, she was right, but not for the reasons she conjured up.  I did what I did because she wouldn't let me do things my peers were doing.  I wasn't a bad kid nor was I a bad student and compared to my extremely maladjusted younger brother I was in fact an angel; yet she did get the noose tight around my neck never once considering the converse role it would play.

I had a slightly older friend whom live about a quarter mile from my house and I liked to hang out with him, so on many a night, I'd sneak out of my bedroom window and go to his house and hang out.  Sometimes we stayed in and other times we'd go to NYC and hang out drinking Korbel, which was the hip champagne at that time in Washington Square Park; all of this unbeknownst to my sleeping parents.  Not once did I consider the ramifications of my actions; all I knew was I was having a good time and would be back home in order to get a few hours sleep before getting up for school. In all the times I snuck out, I didn't think about what would happen if there'd been a fire and my parents went downstairs to rouse me.  I didn't think about our getting into a car accident or being arrested for my underage drinking.  All I thought about was the freedom I had at that precise moment and making it count.  I never considered sneaking anyone into the house as I might have thought that it sent a bad message and that I was in fact doing something wrong.  No one ever questioned my being out with them 'after hours' and even if they did, I'm sure I would have convinced them it was fine.

I look back now and shake my head in wonder how I managed to get away with what I did for so long.  I think of the many turns my 'escapes' could have taken with not so favourable outcomes.  I'm happy that nothing did happen as the learning lesson could have been very different.  I've shown through my hindsight that there isn't much Lil Lady could do that I probably hadn't done or thought about.  I've taught her that what I did was wrong in so many ways and spared no detail in illustrating the many ways I could have gotten hurt, in trouble, or even killed.  I became the parent that communicated with her child instead of being over protective and think that a compromise couldn't have been made.

I'm in a very fortunate position to have raised a daughter that trusts and respects me and has taken the many things I've shared with her under advisement and consideration.  She and I have and continue to communicate honestly and openly with each other in order to come to a complete understanding.  The trust we share is undeniable and we confide in each other over just about everything.  Lil Lady is my daughter and best friend; a bond and a gift I treasure immensely as these are things I've yet to share with my own mother.  She didn't know how to be a parent and even when she did, she chose not to, which is again why I chose a different path.  I looked at how I was raised and made a commitment to myself and my daughter that I would not be that parent.  To date and save for a few things, I am not.  I pride myself on being the kind of mother that my child wants to be with and share details of her life that many of her peers aren't able to do with their parents.  Parenting is a role/responsibility I don't take lightly and I've become the "cool mom" with her peers and they know they can come to me with anything they want to talk about as they've seen who I am through my daughter.

We live in a day and age where we can't afford to be complacent with our children and we have to look back sometimes in order to know what not to do in the future.  I thank God for blessing me with the fortitude to raise Lil Lady the way I have and know that through my own eyes I can look back and learn that a wealth of good can come our way if only we use the negative wisely.

Stay blessed!