Today marks the last day of my 42nd year and I'm hours away from my 43rd. Year 42 started out with lots of festivity and in the company of my wonderful family and friends. I embraced the newness of it and was excited about what was in store for me. The first 5 months sailed by and for the most part, it was pretty good going. At the end of February I was laid off due to a contract loss and budget cuts, which I didn't put much worry into as I anticipated not being out of work long. At the end of March, I lost Lil Lady's father, which was unexpected and left me in shock and confusion as it was only two weeks prior to her 18th birthday. With the resiliency, I shouldered a shared responsibility with his mother in having to settle his estate, comfort Lil Lady, and handle my own life. None of it was; nor continues to be easy for me, but I forge on trusting in the Lord for provision, strength, and comfort. My friends/family were there for me when I needed them and aided wherever they were called on.
Life still goes on in spite of the loss/pain. I am still without a job, Lil Lady has started college, my mother is still a source of contention in my life, but I'm still thankful for the year as it's given me learning lessons, tools/resources, a renewed vigor to live this life and make memories and moments count; moreover, I realize that nothing can be done without leaning on the Lord. I managed to keep the faith, but there were times where I didn't lean as hard as I should have and only saw the dark even when it was light outside. The past couple days have had me at my emotional weakest and wasn't sure how I'd end my old year for the avalanche of emotions was more than I could bear. But God is good and I rose this morning realizing that I was in the fortunate position of having my old year end on a Sunday and I couldn't wait to get to church. I needed to be there. The rain that came down this morning was welcomed as a cleansing for me to wash away all the negativity, mixed emotions, and darkness that had been clouding me like smog. I received exactly what I needed in church through the sermon and the closing prayer; God is good! Now I feel renewed, able, refreshed, and ready to welcome the new year.
So, here I sit waiting for the dinner reservations made by Lil Lady to celebrate my birthday as I wave goodbye to 42 and say hello to 43. 4+3 = 7, which is the number of the Divine so it's got no other choice but to be a good year. I know God's got this and He's got me and together we're going to do it up. There are no triumphs without trials and there has to be a test in order to have a testimony, so while 42 left me heavy laden, I still made it through with a triumph and a testimony. I'm stronger, more resilient, wiser, more aware, and definitely more appreciative of life/living as I said before. I don't like being a single parent, but we raised a strong daughter who was fortunate of having her father in her life from the time she was conceived until his passing. She has wonderful memories of their time shared and has his initials to give her additional closeness. He was a good man to me and in spite of our not making it as a couple; we made it as parents. He lives on through her and she lives with me, so he'll always be a part of me and my life.
Life is good; people not so much, but I'm okay with that. I know God didn't bring me this far to leave me and I know that like a good vintage; 43's going to be a good year.
Stay blessed!
Showing posts with label me. Show all posts
Showing posts with label me. Show all posts
12 September 2010
18 August 2010
What I like about you
You know all about me and like me anyway. You accept my good with my bad and don't hesitate to call me on my bullshit. You promote my good traits and inspire me to be a better person. When I'm feeling down, you're there to pick me up with a warm hug, comforting words, or even a firm word to stop me feeling sorry for myself. We share anything and everything with each other knowing the confidence shared will never be broken; providing a mutual safe haven in which to dwell. You don't judge me; instead show me ways I can work through my mess. I know I'm important to you not by what you say, but what you do; often without a murmur or second thought. And even on the times when we're a little more than just friends, you treat me with even more of the love, trust, respect of what was have as our foundation. I never have to to worry about crossing the line as it never gets blurred. Together we're a great team and we cheer each other on from the sidelines and when one of use has to be captain, there's never an issue of pride. You're my best friend, my confidante, my occasional lover, and someone with whom I will always love. You've made an amazing impact on my life and have seen me through some of my darkest days to my most joyous moments and for all of these things I love you. My world is a better place for having you in it.
You know who you are! Muah!
Stay blessed!
You know who you are! Muah!
Stay blessed!
15 August 2010
Check Please!
The more I date/get to know someone, the more reasons I've found to confirm why I'm still single.
Last weekend; and at the same event I met Stalker at, I met Special Dark. He did everything he could to gain my attention and flirted shamelessly when he did. We engaged in a really great conversation where a good vibe developed and he asked if we could exchange numbers. I didn't take his and instead gave him mine stating that if he truly had an interest he'd do the leg work. In spite of my being independent, assertive, and all that good stuff; I still like to be courted.
That evening, I went to the party with where I knew he would be and upon seeing me, he became my date for the night. We drank, talked, danced, and had a genuinely good time. When it was time for me to go, he walked me to my car, hugged me and said he'd be in touch. He knew I had plans with my family the next day, but still sent a text to say it was a pleasure meeting me, inquired about my family whom he'd met at the picnic and party, and wished me a good day with them.
The next day, we speak via text, but I wanted there to be some actual human contact, so I said, I would refrain from texting and he should call when he had an opportunity to do so. A short while later, he called and we spoke for an hour or so. The conversation was energetic and warm like our previous and he quickly took me out of the tired funk I was in to sparking the proverbial second wind. I had to go out that evening, but said I would call or text when I was done.
The following day, he asked what was on my agenda and if there was an opportunity for him to visit me (he lives in NY). I ran through my itinerary and said that the evening would be good. Let the record show that I do not make a habit of letting people come to my home and I was in fact breaking my own self-imposed rule since I knew I'd have Lil Lady and my surrogate kids at the house, so I wouldn't be there alone with someone I'd just met.
Upon his arrival; he was reintroduced to Lil Lady and Surrogate Daughter as he'd met them on Saturday and he was also introduced to Lil Lady's Twin; also a surrogate daughter and Lil Lady's male bestie. We sat and chatted for a while before he was afforded the tour of my house. While upstairs, he kissed me, which I returned until he got a little touchy feely. I promptly ended the tour upstairs and hustled him back downstairs and outside to the vast back yard until I was ready to bring him back inside.
Fast forward to the kids going upstairs leaving he and I alone...He kisses me again and this time with more vigor than the previous. I pulled away feeling a bit overwhelmed, but it didn't thwart his attempts to get touchy-feely again. I backhanded him citing his advances were too forward and uncalled for. He backed off, but now I was feeling a bit put off and said it was getting late and he had a 90 minute drive ahead of him. He left and I was both pissed off and relieved. We had standing plans, which we'd made on Monday to meet on Friday; prior to his wanting to see me on Tuesday, but I was no longer feeling like I wanted to go through with them as he'd rubbed me (literally) the wrong way. Friday rolls around and I hadn't heard from him all day. I called and left a message inquiring if we were still a go and waited for his response. Bottom line was that I was going anyway as I'd already made the plans, but being one for social protocol, I made contact in spite of myself. Hours later he said he was sorry, but had been caught up on some business and would get back to me. I responded, stating it was cool either way as I was proceeding as planned.
Later said evening, he text inquiring as to my whereabouts and I stated I was with my friend and it was cool that he couldn't make it. (Read, was RELIEVED). I think I might have truly lost it if I had to ward off his octopus-like advances.
The point of this convoluted story is that this is a clear example of someone showing you who they are and having the presence of mind to pay attention. I saw very quickly that Special Dark is hands on - literally in spite of not once being given the green light. His lack of contact post visit shows me what his intentions really where regardless of how he presented himself. And finally, his lack of contact since bailing on Friday. In truth, I'm not pressed and will chalk it up to The Adventures and Misadventures of a Single/Dating Woman. I had a good night regardless with a very dear/special friend, so here's to you Special Dark....Check please!!!!
Stay blessed!
Last weekend; and at the same event I met Stalker at, I met Special Dark. He did everything he could to gain my attention and flirted shamelessly when he did. We engaged in a really great conversation where a good vibe developed and he asked if we could exchange numbers. I didn't take his and instead gave him mine stating that if he truly had an interest he'd do the leg work. In spite of my being independent, assertive, and all that good stuff; I still like to be courted.
That evening, I went to the party with where I knew he would be and upon seeing me, he became my date for the night. We drank, talked, danced, and had a genuinely good time. When it was time for me to go, he walked me to my car, hugged me and said he'd be in touch. He knew I had plans with my family the next day, but still sent a text to say it was a pleasure meeting me, inquired about my family whom he'd met at the picnic and party, and wished me a good day with them.
The next day, we speak via text, but I wanted there to be some actual human contact, so I said, I would refrain from texting and he should call when he had an opportunity to do so. A short while later, he called and we spoke for an hour or so. The conversation was energetic and warm like our previous and he quickly took me out of the tired funk I was in to sparking the proverbial second wind. I had to go out that evening, but said I would call or text when I was done.
The following day, he asked what was on my agenda and if there was an opportunity for him to visit me (he lives in NY). I ran through my itinerary and said that the evening would be good. Let the record show that I do not make a habit of letting people come to my home and I was in fact breaking my own self-imposed rule since I knew I'd have Lil Lady and my surrogate kids at the house, so I wouldn't be there alone with someone I'd just met.
Upon his arrival; he was reintroduced to Lil Lady and Surrogate Daughter as he'd met them on Saturday and he was also introduced to Lil Lady's Twin; also a surrogate daughter and Lil Lady's male bestie. We sat and chatted for a while before he was afforded the tour of my house. While upstairs, he kissed me, which I returned until he got a little touchy feely. I promptly ended the tour upstairs and hustled him back downstairs and outside to the vast back yard until I was ready to bring him back inside.
Fast forward to the kids going upstairs leaving he and I alone...He kisses me again and this time with more vigor than the previous. I pulled away feeling a bit overwhelmed, but it didn't thwart his attempts to get touchy-feely again. I backhanded him citing his advances were too forward and uncalled for. He backed off, but now I was feeling a bit put off and said it was getting late and he had a 90 minute drive ahead of him. He left and I was both pissed off and relieved. We had standing plans, which we'd made on Monday to meet on Friday; prior to his wanting to see me on Tuesday, but I was no longer feeling like I wanted to go through with them as he'd rubbed me (literally) the wrong way. Friday rolls around and I hadn't heard from him all day. I called and left a message inquiring if we were still a go and waited for his response. Bottom line was that I was going anyway as I'd already made the plans, but being one for social protocol, I made contact in spite of myself. Hours later he said he was sorry, but had been caught up on some business and would get back to me. I responded, stating it was cool either way as I was proceeding as planned.
Later said evening, he text inquiring as to my whereabouts and I stated I was with my friend and it was cool that he couldn't make it. (Read, was RELIEVED). I think I might have truly lost it if I had to ward off his octopus-like advances.
The point of this convoluted story is that this is a clear example of someone showing you who they are and having the presence of mind to pay attention. I saw very quickly that Special Dark is hands on - literally in spite of not once being given the green light. His lack of contact post visit shows me what his intentions really where regardless of how he presented himself. And finally, his lack of contact since bailing on Friday. In truth, I'm not pressed and will chalk it up to The Adventures and Misadventures of a Single/Dating Woman. I had a good night regardless with a very dear/special friend, so here's to you Special Dark....Check please!!!!
Stay blessed!
13 August 2010
From zero to sixty
Saturday past I was in Brooklyn at a fraternity; we'll call them huh phi really, cookout where I met a seemingly nice guy with whom I had a decent conversation with. In my mind the connection was purely cerebral, but somewhere between the exchange of contact information because as I said, it was cerebral; at least on my part, he slipped in that he wanted to fly me to California. Huh? In my mind I'm thinking, "how I we get here?" And I think my thoughts were heard or he saw the "huh?" expression in my face and he said, "Yea, that's how I roll." Wow! Okay!
Within two hours of the exchange of numbers, he, who'll from henceforth will be called Stalker called me. I didn't recognize the number, so I answered the phone only to hear him identify himself and I was stunned! I mean, who does that? I know I'm still fairly new to the dating scene and am still learning certain rules of engagement, but to call within two hours seems a little forward/pushy/even desperate to me. I abruptly got him off the phone citing I had my brother on the other line and I'd call later. Unfortunately my evenings events got the best of me and I didn't return the call. I did; however, send the Facebook Friend Request as he'd asked and no sooner he accepted the request, he posted "Hey Sexy". Now, I'm less than stunned, but instead tad pissed off. I mean, he hadn't asked my social status in terms of am I dating, in a relationship, or talking to someone, so for him to post that kind of comment was a bit offensive. Call me sensitive, but that's how I felt.
It's now Sunday, and we're going on a family outing to Six Flags. We arrived at the amusement park and I'd no sooner parked when my phone rang. I see it's Stalker and didn't answer the phone. It was not the appropriate time; nor did I want to answer only to promptly end the call. Stalker left a voice message and immediately thereafter sent a text message. Now, I'm heated! I mean was it really necessary to send a text after leaving a voice message? I went on with my day and hours later I replied to his text. I told him I was with my family at the amusement park and that I'd get back with him when I was in a more practical environment. He replied saying, "when you come see me in Cali, I'll take you to the Six Flag; Magic Mountain out here". So, we're back to that again. I replied, "money is wasted on me at amusement parks as I don't go on the majority of the rides, but it was a family day and I wanted to share time with them." That pretty much ended the conversation.
Monday morning rolls around and yes, he calls AGAIN! I answer as I don't want to be on the hook to call back. I really only had a few minutes, so that afforded me the chance to limit talking. He seemed overly impressed that I recognized his voice, but one would think that by now, I'd recognized his number and/or stored his number in my phone; nothing more. He once again rambled on about my going to Cali of which I gave no reaction to nor do I plan to. Hell, I don't even know this man; no he I. He babbled on about this and that and then I ended the call as I was on a time constraint and he stated he had to get to the airport.
Tuesday rolls around and I'm relaxing with Lil Lady and my surrogate kids when my phone rings; I didn't recognize the number and answered reluctantly. I was completely gobsmacked! Stalker called again; this time from a number I didn't recognize and when I inquired, he stated it was his landline and that I should store it in order to have all of his contact information. It was obvious he heard the commotion in the background and I was pleased that it afforded me the opportunity to get off the phone; not to mention that I had company anyway.
Now readers, I'm typically a very tolerant person, patient, and open minded person. I will allow one the benefit of the doubt, but I think Stalker has gone rather overboard in his effort get my attention of show his interest in me. Conversely, his persistence is having the opposing effect and now I feel compelled to let him know that 1) I have no romantic interest in him, 2) have no desire to engage in a long term relationship, and 3) I'm not attracted to him in an intimate manner. I'm not sure what my actual course of action in words will be, but I will definitely speak up because I do not want to allow there to be a false sense of attraction between us.
I feel like I'm on a speeding train that's about to crash into a wall. I'm still trying to figure out how I got from what was seemingly a cerebral draw to my being gifted a trip to the west coast. While I like to travel and am always up for a trip, I'm not inclined to visit someone I know nothing about and who's pursuing me like a virus. I do understand that there could be an opportunity for our getting to know each other more, which could justify his invitation, but the bottom line is that I'm simply not that into him; at least not romantically. Furthermore, my being pursued so aggressively is not a turn on for me. Yes, I like a strong man, but I don't like a brute or at least brute force tactics.
I have no idea where this story will go or what the end result will be, but for now, I'm just trying to make sense of nonsense and sharing it hoping to get some valuable insight. Oh, I have been instructed to simply ignore his calls and that he'll get the hint, but I did voluntarily exchange contact information and I do consider myself an adult, so ignoring him would be rather juvenile on my part. I'll keep you posted!
Stay blessed!
Within two hours of the exchange of numbers, he, who'll from henceforth will be called Stalker called me. I didn't recognize the number, so I answered the phone only to hear him identify himself and I was stunned! I mean, who does that? I know I'm still fairly new to the dating scene and am still learning certain rules of engagement, but to call within two hours seems a little forward/pushy/even desperate to me. I abruptly got him off the phone citing I had my brother on the other line and I'd call later. Unfortunately my evenings events got the best of me and I didn't return the call. I did; however, send the Facebook Friend Request as he'd asked and no sooner he accepted the request, he posted "Hey Sexy". Now, I'm less than stunned, but instead tad pissed off. I mean, he hadn't asked my social status in terms of am I dating, in a relationship, or talking to someone, so for him to post that kind of comment was a bit offensive. Call me sensitive, but that's how I felt.
It's now Sunday, and we're going on a family outing to Six Flags. We arrived at the amusement park and I'd no sooner parked when my phone rang. I see it's Stalker and didn't answer the phone. It was not the appropriate time; nor did I want to answer only to promptly end the call. Stalker left a voice message and immediately thereafter sent a text message. Now, I'm heated! I mean was it really necessary to send a text after leaving a voice message? I went on with my day and hours later I replied to his text. I told him I was with my family at the amusement park and that I'd get back with him when I was in a more practical environment. He replied saying, "when you come see me in Cali, I'll take you to the Six Flag; Magic Mountain out here". So, we're back to that again. I replied, "money is wasted on me at amusement parks as I don't go on the majority of the rides, but it was a family day and I wanted to share time with them." That pretty much ended the conversation.
Monday morning rolls around and yes, he calls AGAIN! I answer as I don't want to be on the hook to call back. I really only had a few minutes, so that afforded me the chance to limit talking. He seemed overly impressed that I recognized his voice, but one would think that by now, I'd recognized his number and/or stored his number in my phone; nothing more. He once again rambled on about my going to Cali of which I gave no reaction to nor do I plan to. Hell, I don't even know this man; no he I. He babbled on about this and that and then I ended the call as I was on a time constraint and he stated he had to get to the airport.
Tuesday rolls around and I'm relaxing with Lil Lady and my surrogate kids when my phone rings; I didn't recognize the number and answered reluctantly. I was completely gobsmacked! Stalker called again; this time from a number I didn't recognize and when I inquired, he stated it was his landline and that I should store it in order to have all of his contact information. It was obvious he heard the commotion in the background and I was pleased that it afforded me the opportunity to get off the phone; not to mention that I had company anyway.
Now readers, I'm typically a very tolerant person, patient, and open minded person. I will allow one the benefit of the doubt, but I think Stalker has gone rather overboard in his effort get my attention of show his interest in me. Conversely, his persistence is having the opposing effect and now I feel compelled to let him know that 1) I have no romantic interest in him, 2) have no desire to engage in a long term relationship, and 3) I'm not attracted to him in an intimate manner. I'm not sure what my actual course of action in words will be, but I will definitely speak up because I do not want to allow there to be a false sense of attraction between us.
I feel like I'm on a speeding train that's about to crash into a wall. I'm still trying to figure out how I got from what was seemingly a cerebral draw to my being gifted a trip to the west coast. While I like to travel and am always up for a trip, I'm not inclined to visit someone I know nothing about and who's pursuing me like a virus. I do understand that there could be an opportunity for our getting to know each other more, which could justify his invitation, but the bottom line is that I'm simply not that into him; at least not romantically. Furthermore, my being pursued so aggressively is not a turn on for me. Yes, I like a strong man, but I don't like a brute or at least brute force tactics.
I have no idea where this story will go or what the end result will be, but for now, I'm just trying to make sense of nonsense and sharing it hoping to get some valuable insight. Oh, I have been instructed to simply ignore his calls and that he'll get the hint, but I did voluntarily exchange contact information and I do consider myself an adult, so ignoring him would be rather juvenile on my part. I'll keep you posted!
Stay blessed!
04 August 2010
I'm a weed!
I was outside doing some landscaping today and was hit with a startling revelation.
When we compare ourselves to many things in life, we usually chose the more complimentary and more attractive of things; however, I did not do that. I took pride in realizing that I'm a weed. Yes, that's right a weed! Not a rose; not an exotic flower, but your average garden variety weed; no pun intended.
Why you might ask? Well, I'm happy you did because I'm about to tell you.
You see, weeds are strong, resilient, and can pop up regardless of their environment. They don't worry about their looks, as they find beauty within themselves never worrying about fitting in. Weeds survive harsh terrains, withstand various weather conditions, and are pretty hard to get rid of. Weeds don't require constant time and attention as they're self-sustaining and aren't seasonal. Even with snow on the ground, the weed will be the first to break ground and mark they're place in the world. And it's for these reasons why I'm a weed.
Over the years, I've survived adversity and remained in place; though sometimes a little worn. I have not let lifes circumstances make me wither and die or hide. I've always stayed strong, remained upbeat and determined, and most all, found my place anywhere at anytime. I'm proud of my status as a weed. I'm proud to know I can grow between concrete; the proverbial rock and a hard place and most of all, I find beauty in myself unquestionably.
When you consider what you are in life; what comes to mind?
Stay blessed!
When we compare ourselves to many things in life, we usually chose the more complimentary and more attractive of things; however, I did not do that. I took pride in realizing that I'm a weed. Yes, that's right a weed! Not a rose; not an exotic flower, but your average garden variety weed; no pun intended.
Why you might ask? Well, I'm happy you did because I'm about to tell you.
You see, weeds are strong, resilient, and can pop up regardless of their environment. They don't worry about their looks, as they find beauty within themselves never worrying about fitting in. Weeds survive harsh terrains, withstand various weather conditions, and are pretty hard to get rid of. Weeds don't require constant time and attention as they're self-sustaining and aren't seasonal. Even with snow on the ground, the weed will be the first to break ground and mark they're place in the world. And it's for these reasons why I'm a weed.
Over the years, I've survived adversity and remained in place; though sometimes a little worn. I have not let lifes circumstances make me wither and die or hide. I've always stayed strong, remained upbeat and determined, and most all, found my place anywhere at anytime. I'm proud of my status as a weed. I'm proud to know I can grow between concrete; the proverbial rock and a hard place and most of all, I find beauty in myself unquestionably.
When you consider what you are in life; what comes to mind?
Stay blessed!
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