What I know now

We all say, "If I knew then what I know now, I'd be...", which I used to think was a good thing, but after carefully considering the statement, I realize that for many; self included, we would have been done a major disservice.

We go through the good, bad, and indifferent in our lives for a reason.  Obviously many of us don't know what the reason is at the time, but after you've gotten through it, given yourself time to think, and then seen it with new eyes, you can say, "Okay, now I get it" instead of the opening statement.  Without our many and varied experiences, we wouldn't be who we are today.  We wouldn't know how to love, to heal, to grow, or simply just be.  While we want to erase the hurt, shield ourselves from the negatives, and live our respective utopia's; life simply doesn't go that way.  God wrote a book for each of us and it's stated in the Bible, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart..." Jeremiah 1:5.  God prepared our lives according to His will and it's preordained what will happen.  No, God did not want to hurt any of us, but sometimes those hurtful/painful things are a part of His plan to carve us and mold us; and even for us to reach out to Him and call for his anointing in order for Him to bless, strengthen and keep us.

We can't blame God when negative things happen.  Sometimes the intersection of our lives with another is what caused the situation to happen; especially when we ignore our gut and decide to do things our way.  Trust me, I've lived this very lesson.  The Shack by William P. Young speaks to this very matter and it's a book worth reading in order to understand love, loss, conflicted emotions, forgiveness and healing.  This book put so much of what I know now into perspective and softened a hardened part of me.  It gave me more clarity and showed me that bad things can happen for good reasons and it's not what happened to me that counts, it's what I did with what happened to me.

I think we all might be better served to accept the things we cannot change and to empower ourselves to accept and know what we know now as a blessing.  We are all victors and not victims if we allow ourselves to be.  Remember we can't undo the past and make it right and there are no do-overs, so we have to accept that what's done is done.  Let us remove the rose coloured glasses and stand tall and say, "What I know now is..." as it ties into your life and life story.  Be makers and doers of the world in order to make a difference.  Be the change you're looking for and accept the man/woman in the mirror; trusting, knowing, and believing that you are somebody.  Be defined for who you are now and not where/who you were. 

Stand tall and say, "I'm (insert name) and I am proud of me and I what I know now is..."

Make your life count!

All praises due...

“I do believe that when we face challenges in life that are far beyond our own power, it's an opportunity to build on our faith, inner strength, and courage. I've learned that how we face challenges plays a big role in the outcome of them.” Sasha Azevedo

 

When I read this quote, I said to myself, "this speaks exactly to me and my life". I thought about the many things that I've been through and how without always knowing of even understanding how I made it that it was faith and God's grace and mercy that carried me through.  I grew up going to Sunday school and to church where I understood the many lessons I was taught, but I didn't always know how they related to my life; when I was going through the many trials; especially as I child that I endured. I attributed it all to  unfortunate life experiences until I got older and began being able to apply the correlation between having inner strength, courage, and faith; in that order to my life.  I took comfort knowing that I was able to make it through all the madness without anyone ever really knowing what was wrong or how I was really feeling behind my Colgate smile.  The gift of discernment that I was blessed with became a burden and I grew afraid of it and ultimately neglected it as it seemed to cause trouble for me as I made inquiries as to the things that happened around me.  However, in spite of that neglect, I was still blessed with inner strength and courage to make it through the hellish things that happened to me in life.

Even though I'd stop going to church, I still remember the many Bible scriptures I was taught and learned and greater still; held on to the one truth that never failed me; Faith.  I always liked the song, 

"We've come this far by faith
Leaning on the Lord
Trust His Holy word
He never failed me yet
Oh, oh can't turn around
Come to far by faith"

As it gave me what I needed to go on and continue to face life with and without it's hardships and adversities.  

My life wasn't all bad and I did have many good times and years, which I always gave thanks for given the numerous bad times I'd gone through.  As an adult who reads and understands the Bible far better than I in my younger years, I have a fuller appreciation of that faith, inner strength and courage that the Lord so graciously blessed me with.  I look back with pride on how far I've come and how this quote was always a part of me without my even knowing it. I give thanks to God for finding favour in me by giving me this ability to face the adversities and keep going.  Each and every experience good or bad has shaped me into the woman I am and my faith has kept me able to have inner strength and courage to face every situation with the necessary tools to stay strong.  Even when I had moments where I wasn't sure how I would make it one day to the next, I knew and relied on God's word that told me there is strength in my weakness.  Faith is the spirits adrenaline and keeps you going when you want to give up.  Inner strength is saying, "I can do this one more day".  And courage is the child born of marrying faith and inner strength, which is the perfect family of things I needed to not just survive, but live.

Take this quote and apply it to your lives. Use it to heal; use it to grow; and use it to face your challenges.

 

Stay strong!

Waving goodbye while saying hello!!!

Today marks the last day of my 42nd year and I'm hours away from my 43rd.  Year 42 started out with lots of festivity and in the company of my wonderful family and friends.  I embraced the newness of it and was excited about what was in store for me.  The first 5 months sailed by and for the most part, it was pretty good going.  At the end of February I was laid off due to a contract loss and budget cuts, which I didn't put much worry into as I anticipated not being out of work long.  At the end of March, I lost Lil Lady's father, which was unexpected and left me in shock and confusion as it was only two weeks prior to her 18th birthday.  With the resiliency, I shouldered a shared responsibility with his mother in having to settle his estate, comfort Lil Lady, and handle my own life.  None of it was; nor continues to be easy for me, but I forge on trusting in the Lord for provision, strength, and comfort.  My friends/family were there for me when I needed them and aided wherever they were called on.

Life still goes on in spite of the loss/pain. I am still without a job, Lil Lady has started college, my mother is still a source of contention in my life, but I'm still thankful for the year as it's given me learning lessons, tools/resources, a renewed vigor to live this life and make memories and moments count; moreover, I realize that nothing can be done without leaning on the Lord.  I managed to keep the faith, but there were times where I didn't lean as hard as I should have and only saw the dark even when it was light outside.  The past couple days have had me at my emotional weakest and wasn't sure how I'd end my old year for the avalanche of emotions was more than I could bear.  But God is good and I rose this morning realizing that I was in the fortunate position of having my old year end on a Sunday and I couldn't wait to get to church.  I needed to be there. The rain that came down this morning was welcomed as a cleansing for me to wash away all the negativity, mixed emotions, and darkness that had been clouding me like smog.  I received exactly what I needed in church through the sermon and the closing prayer; God is good!  Now I feel renewed, able, refreshed, and ready to welcome the new year.

So, here I sit waiting for the dinner reservations made by Lil Lady to celebrate my birthday as I wave goodbye to 42 and say hello to 43.  4+3 = 7, which is the number of the Divine so it's got no other choice but to be a good year.  I know God's got this and He's got me and together we're going to do it up.  There are no triumphs without trials and there has to be a test in order to have a testimony, so while 42 left me heavy laden, I still made it through with a triumph and a testimony.  I'm stronger, more resilient, wiser, more aware, and definitely more appreciative of life/living as I said before.  I don't like being a single parent, but we raised a strong daughter who was fortunate of having her father in her life from the time she was conceived until his passing.  She has wonderful memories of their time shared and has his initials to give her additional closeness.  He was a good man to me and in spite of our not making it as a couple; we made it as parents.  He lives on through her and she lives with me, so he'll always be a part of me and my life.

Life is good; people not so much, but I'm okay with that. I know God didn't bring me this far to leave me and I know that like a good vintage; 43's going to be a good year.

Stay blessed!