Given that I haven't been in a monogamous relationship in half a decade, imagine my surprise to find myself in the semblance of one. It is truly a case of "it just happened" and one I'm finding most enjoyable. We've known each other for almost 3 years and have been best friends for the better part of 2 of them. It was a naturally forming friendship were we went from topical banter to deep and insightful conversation, where a deep level of confidence is established. We have like personalities in some ways and are polar opposites in others, but somehow we seem to compliment each other pretty well and it works.
It's pretty interesting how we seamlessly transitioned from being 'just friends' to this 'untitled exclusivity'. We talk openly and honestly about what has happened and where we are emotionally as he's currently separated and dealing with very raw and nebulous emotions, where I'm more secure emotionally, but a little gun shy about allowing someone this close to me. In truth, I'm okay with it all. I'm enjoying the feelings he erupts and the confidence I feel with him. He finds a level of peace and security with me that allows him to work with himself and through the ever-changing moods he sometimes finds himself in, but as I said; we seem to work.
While I saw none of it coming, I'm happy to be on this road as the journey is refreshing and insightful in many ways. Our prior friendship served as a great foundation for us to being where we are now and I can appreciate something; my lover being my best friend; as something I haven't done in over a decade. I haven't a clue where the final destination will take us and it would be nice to be put a title on us, but there's no need to fix what isn't broken, so it'll continue in the same fashion it currently exists; free-flowing.
I've heard the term "expect the unexpected" many times in my life and it has happened in other ways in my life, but having it occur this way is by far the best to date.
Open your hearts/minds; expect the unexpected!
31 October 2010
30 October 2010
Having seizures
I've always been one for taking advantage of moments and opportunities and have yielded to many a dare or impulsive bouts because I'm a firm believer in making the most of out this life. I've overcome a lot of adversity in my life and I've lived to tell, so it's very important for me to wrap my arms tight around life and squeeze it until I can't get anymore out of it.
Having lost Lil Lady's father earlier this year, I was once again reminded of how short and precious life is and why it's important to heal your hurts, reconcile where possible, love hard in spite of previous hurt, and stop making excuses. Since his passing, I've seen others go as a result of illness or sudden death and it scares me, not because I'm afraid of death, but because there is so much I want to accomplish and achieve before my time comes. I've seen some of said people suffer, some not, and others just waste their life on drugs or being reckless. I can't and won't tell another how to live their life, so I'll speak solely of myself and that is I'm going to live this and live it well. I'm going to have "seizures", which is my analogy to seizing as many good moments as I can get. I want to see things and do things that I've never done before, or thought I wasn't interested in, or simply 'just because'. Why? Instead of that question, rephrase it by asking "why not?" What do we have to lose? A bruised ego? Some money lost? Whatever the reason for not, can't in my book outweigh why not.
In the past couple months, I've experienced more than I had in a very long time. My walls have come down and the resulting infiltration of my inner being hasn't been bad. I've learned to like football AND baseball. I don't fully understand each sport, but I do know enough to make it through a game. I've explored sex in a way I never thought I would because I negated things on "thinking" I wouldn't like it instead of at least trying it first. I'm the fittest I've been in a long time; not to mention almost 7lbs lighter because I consistently go to the gym whereas I used to 'hate' gyms. I see and love myself fully, wholly, and with conviction. I want my dash to have a lot to speak for when my memorial service is held as I'm looking down on my friends and family listening to them recall and retell the times we've shared or things I've done.
I do have down days. I have moments where I feel stagnant or unproductive and I entertain them. Why not? I have to explore that side of me as it serves as a catalyst for me to rise up and forge on; to open the door again and allow opportunity to come in instead of having to knock. While I may never achieve everything, I'm going to do as many things as I can and with each "seizure" I have, I'll have yet another thing to look back on and be proud of.
What's your motivation?
Having lost Lil Lady's father earlier this year, I was once again reminded of how short and precious life is and why it's important to heal your hurts, reconcile where possible, love hard in spite of previous hurt, and stop making excuses. Since his passing, I've seen others go as a result of illness or sudden death and it scares me, not because I'm afraid of death, but because there is so much I want to accomplish and achieve before my time comes. I've seen some of said people suffer, some not, and others just waste their life on drugs or being reckless. I can't and won't tell another how to live their life, so I'll speak solely of myself and that is I'm going to live this and live it well. I'm going to have "seizures", which is my analogy to seizing as many good moments as I can get. I want to see things and do things that I've never done before, or thought I wasn't interested in, or simply 'just because'. Why? Instead of that question, rephrase it by asking "why not?" What do we have to lose? A bruised ego? Some money lost? Whatever the reason for not, can't in my book outweigh why not.
In the past couple months, I've experienced more than I had in a very long time. My walls have come down and the resulting infiltration of my inner being hasn't been bad. I've learned to like football AND baseball. I don't fully understand each sport, but I do know enough to make it through a game. I've explored sex in a way I never thought I would because I negated things on "thinking" I wouldn't like it instead of at least trying it first. I'm the fittest I've been in a long time; not to mention almost 7lbs lighter because I consistently go to the gym whereas I used to 'hate' gyms. I see and love myself fully, wholly, and with conviction. I want my dash to have a lot to speak for when my memorial service is held as I'm looking down on my friends and family listening to them recall and retell the times we've shared or things I've done.
I do have down days. I have moments where I feel stagnant or unproductive and I entertain them. Why not? I have to explore that side of me as it serves as a catalyst for me to rise up and forge on; to open the door again and allow opportunity to come in instead of having to knock. While I may never achieve everything, I'm going to do as many things as I can and with each "seizure" I have, I'll have yet another thing to look back on and be proud of.
What's your motivation?
29 October 2010
Will we ever be satified????
Okay, answer me this, when will women ever be satisfied with their bodies/appearance? I've got a serious case of "Sick-A-See" with all these products designed to make me "more beautiful".
From creams to take away wrinkles, smooth skin, fade marks, etc, etc; to pills/shakes/diets/foods, etc, etc, to make use loose weight; to all the endless ways to alter ourselves, I'm ready to annihilate a good portion of the cosmetics and food industry. Yes, I'm no dummy, these products have been around for years, so that's not in fact what's got me all riled up. It's actually these damn products to enhance eyelashes. EYELASHES? REALLY???? I mean REALLY????? How the heck has it gone that far that we're now so concerned with our eyelashes that we're resorting to pharmaceuticals to make them longer/fuller? What the hell is wrong with mascara for chrissakes? I know it's a cosmetic booster, but dammit, I'd rather see that in use than someone ingesting pills or adding some liquid chemical juice on their eyelids to make their lashes longer. Ugh, I'm appalled and disgusted! But further than that, I'm appalled and disgusted by those who created it and are peddling it in an effort to play on the insecurities of women.
Women, is it serious? Have we become that shallow that we're worrying about eyelashes? There are a million other REAL issues women could be worrying over than this. Women need to stop being so freaking petty, insecure, and/or whatever it is that drives them to fall prey to the constant attack on their psyche. Granted we all have something about ourselves that we're not to fond of, but there has to come a point in our lives where we just say, "eff it! I am who I am and that's all there is to it. Love me or hate me, I am me".
Having suffered with self-esteem and body issues for many years of my life, I rejoiced when I finally accepted myself "as is". I was never one too big on cosmetics, so I never fell victim to that attack, I did overly worry about my weight, but I had 20yrs, 1 month and 7 days of Uncle Sam to thank for that; however, at some point, I did kind of say, "eff you, I'm good" as my genes/DNA worked favourably for me. And that ladies is my point. We have to come to terms with who we are, how we're built, and what some of our pre-disposed factors are. We're not all going to be what society likes to dictate we should be, so the best we can do if find a healthy comfortable weight/lifestyle and stick to it. We have to stop being convinced that every part of us has a flaw and needs to be 'fixed'.
Ladies, if you haven't already, I suggest you start healing the wounded child within. Find her and love her and let her be free. Stop allowing yourself to be railroaded into thinking there is something wrong with you; be it your weight, your height, your breasts, or your freaking eyelashes. Talk to your doctor and get a full checkup to ensure you're healthy for your height/weight and live with any meaningful changes you may have to make, but do it for all the RIGHT reasons and not because some money-grubbing a-hole says you're not beautiful. We are ALL beautiful in our unique way and it's time we understood and accepted it.
Live according to YOU!
From creams to take away wrinkles, smooth skin, fade marks, etc, etc; to pills/shakes/diets/foods, etc, etc, to make use loose weight; to all the endless ways to alter ourselves, I'm ready to annihilate a good portion of the cosmetics and food industry. Yes, I'm no dummy, these products have been around for years, so that's not in fact what's got me all riled up. It's actually these damn products to enhance eyelashes. EYELASHES? REALLY???? I mean REALLY????? How the heck has it gone that far that we're now so concerned with our eyelashes that we're resorting to pharmaceuticals to make them longer/fuller? What the hell is wrong with mascara for chrissakes? I know it's a cosmetic booster, but dammit, I'd rather see that in use than someone ingesting pills or adding some liquid chemical juice on their eyelids to make their lashes longer. Ugh, I'm appalled and disgusted! But further than that, I'm appalled and disgusted by those who created it and are peddling it in an effort to play on the insecurities of women.
Women, is it serious? Have we become that shallow that we're worrying about eyelashes? There are a million other REAL issues women could be worrying over than this. Women need to stop being so freaking petty, insecure, and/or whatever it is that drives them to fall prey to the constant attack on their psyche. Granted we all have something about ourselves that we're not to fond of, but there has to come a point in our lives where we just say, "eff it! I am who I am and that's all there is to it. Love me or hate me, I am me".
Having suffered with self-esteem and body issues for many years of my life, I rejoiced when I finally accepted myself "as is". I was never one too big on cosmetics, so I never fell victim to that attack, I did overly worry about my weight, but I had 20yrs, 1 month and 7 days of Uncle Sam to thank for that; however, at some point, I did kind of say, "eff you, I'm good" as my genes/DNA worked favourably for me. And that ladies is my point. We have to come to terms with who we are, how we're built, and what some of our pre-disposed factors are. We're not all going to be what society likes to dictate we should be, so the best we can do if find a healthy comfortable weight/lifestyle and stick to it. We have to stop being convinced that every part of us has a flaw and needs to be 'fixed'.
Ladies, if you haven't already, I suggest you start healing the wounded child within. Find her and love her and let her be free. Stop allowing yourself to be railroaded into thinking there is something wrong with you; be it your weight, your height, your breasts, or your freaking eyelashes. Talk to your doctor and get a full checkup to ensure you're healthy for your height/weight and live with any meaningful changes you may have to make, but do it for all the RIGHT reasons and not because some money-grubbing a-hole says you're not beautiful. We are ALL beautiful in our unique way and it's time we understood and accepted it.
Live according to YOU!
28 October 2010
I'm not embarassed to admit it...
After my wonderful trip to The Bahamas in July, I ended up with a Yeast Infection for being in the water and having my bathing suit on for many hours every day of the trip. My GYN prescribed Diflucan, which is a pretty power Rx to heal from the inside out and supplemented it with another Rx for vaginal insertion. The days past and I was 'cured'. Well, that was until a month later when I got a nasty gash that resulted in 7 stitches and was given some pretty strong antibiotics to ward off infection; only to be rewarded with getting another Yeast Infection. Needless to say, I was pretty pissed and ended up having to take yet another Rx in order to rid myself of the secondary infection.
Sick and tired of Rx remedies and the expense of these treatments, I did some research to find more natural ways to rid a Yeast Infection. There are many websites (too many to post), that through my research has collectively most of the same information on how to naturally treat a yeast infection and prevent recurrence. Having ended up with one; YET AGAIN (my body hates me), I decided it was time to give it a try.
While it's my preference to treat myself naturally, I did think some of the treatment options a bit odd, but not odd enough to prevent me from trying them. So, here's what I did.
A peeled; careful not to nick the surface clove of garlic inserted directly into the vagina. The clove can stay in for up to 12hrs. I did this during daytime hours (time I got up until 12hrs later). I know it sound nasty, but you don't even know it's there and now you don't smell like garlic from down under.
At night, I inserted plain yogurt (yes, it HAS to be plain) like Dannon into my vagina as a suppository. Now, that got a little tricky as I had to find a needless syringe or small turkey baster to get the yogurt inserted. I was fortunate to have a small needless syringe used for child's medicine to do the deed. You can also soak a tampon in yogurt, freeze it, and then insert it, but I opted out of that method.
After a few days of that combined routine, I completed my regimen with a douche made of equal parts of Tee Tree Oil and Rubbing Alcohol; 1 tsp each mixed in a sterile container. I dumped the content of a store bought douche bottle and instead used about 5 drops of the mixture with distilled water. (The remaining mixture will sit quietly in your medicine counter in case it's needed another time.)
I checked myself a few days later and guess what???? It WORKED! I can't tell you how happy this tried and proven remedy has made me.
Cost of traditional route vs. home remedy
TRADITIONAL
Trip to GYN 80 miles roundtrip (roughly $10 fuel) + $1.50 in tolls
$30 copay
$12 Rx
TOTAL = $52.50
HOME
16 miles roundtrip to health food store $3 fuel
$13.99 for 2oz Tee Tree Oil which has multiple uses
.50c for bottle of Alcohol, which also has multiple uses
$1.00 for two pack of generic douche (resuable bottles)
$1.09 for gallon distilled water multiple uses)
TOTAL = $19.58 in gas/products, but actual cost is hard to determine due to all products having multiple uses, but it's safe to say that's it cost more to drive to store and back because the actual mixture was less than a dollar.
So ladies, if you get a yeast infection and know for a fact it is one, feel free to try my method or you can research the this or many other natural options. Don't be fooled by the OTC/Rx methods!
Stay healthy
Sick and tired of Rx remedies and the expense of these treatments, I did some research to find more natural ways to rid a Yeast Infection. There are many websites (too many to post), that through my research has collectively most of the same information on how to naturally treat a yeast infection and prevent recurrence. Having ended up with one; YET AGAIN (my body hates me), I decided it was time to give it a try.
While it's my preference to treat myself naturally, I did think some of the treatment options a bit odd, but not odd enough to prevent me from trying them. So, here's what I did.
A peeled; careful not to nick the surface clove of garlic inserted directly into the vagina. The clove can stay in for up to 12hrs. I did this during daytime hours (time I got up until 12hrs later). I know it sound nasty, but you don't even know it's there and now you don't smell like garlic from down under.
At night, I inserted plain yogurt (yes, it HAS to be plain) like Dannon into my vagina as a suppository. Now, that got a little tricky as I had to find a needless syringe or small turkey baster to get the yogurt inserted. I was fortunate to have a small needless syringe used for child's medicine to do the deed. You can also soak a tampon in yogurt, freeze it, and then insert it, but I opted out of that method.
After a few days of that combined routine, I completed my regimen with a douche made of equal parts of Tee Tree Oil and Rubbing Alcohol; 1 tsp each mixed in a sterile container. I dumped the content of a store bought douche bottle and instead used about 5 drops of the mixture with distilled water. (The remaining mixture will sit quietly in your medicine counter in case it's needed another time.)
I checked myself a few days later and guess what???? It WORKED! I can't tell you how happy this tried and proven remedy has made me.
Cost of traditional route vs. home remedy
TRADITIONAL
Trip to GYN 80 miles roundtrip (roughly $10 fuel) + $1.50 in tolls
$30 copay
$12 Rx
TOTAL = $52.50
HOME
16 miles roundtrip to health food store $3 fuel
$13.99 for 2oz Tee Tree Oil which has multiple uses
.50c for bottle of Alcohol, which also has multiple uses
$1.00 for two pack of generic douche (resuable bottles)
$1.09 for gallon distilled water multiple uses)
TOTAL = $19.58 in gas/products, but actual cost is hard to determine due to all products having multiple uses, but it's safe to say that's it cost more to drive to store and back because the actual mixture was less than a dollar.
So ladies, if you get a yeast infection and know for a fact it is one, feel free to try my method or you can research the this or many other natural options. Don't be fooled by the OTC/Rx methods!
Stay healthy
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